Over the last thirty years, Black women have risen to become some of the most powerful people in the professional landscape. Their accomplishments, across all sectors of business, are nothing short of pure determination. Today, Black women represent some of the largest corporations and lead some of the best organizations in the country.
Her incredible success is happening despite the American corporate landscape being the worst for Black women. Based on McKinsey & Company’s “Annual Women in the Workplace” study, 49 percent of Black women feel that their race or ethnicity will make it harder for them to get a raise, promotion, or chance to get ahead compared to just 3 percent of white women and 11 percent of women overall.
Despite obstacles in the workplace, Black women are excelling in numbers never seen before. And while those business accomplishments are good, Black women still struggle to find qualified Black men to date to complete the goal of having it all.
There are many factors involved when discussing the problem of dating for Black women. Let’s examine several factors that impact finding success in the romance department.
A HIGHER IQ MEANS FEWER OPTIONS
Black women who benefit from high IQs struggle to find suitable Black mates. Black men with high IQs will date down to find love. Men often have other factors for dating than intelligence. Physical beauty tends to dominate the requirement for most men when dating. For women to be happy, they often need to have a stimulating relationship that engages their mind, as well as the body. This requirement makes it difficult for the Black woman to date someone beneath her intellect.
Studies show that the smarter a woman is, the fewer options she has in finding a suitable mate. For Black women, looking outside of her race might increase her chances of finding romance, but most Black women are not attracted to men outside of their race. With the continued assault on the Black male, this problem will continue to exist in the Black community for generations to come.
THE IDEA OF MARRIAGE HAS CHANGED
We’ve all heard the phrase “forty is the new thirty.” This statement has never been more accurate when describing how Black women are aging. Due to their lifestyle choices, successful Black women are more physically fit, better prepared financially, and
less stressed than Black women forty years ago. With financial success comes better diets, better sleep, and overall, a better quality of life. However, the idea of marriage in the Black community has taken a hit in the last twenty years as the Black community has been severely impacted by divorce.
Researchers argue in a 2015 study that a racial gap in marriage emerged in the 1960s, when Black marriage rates started to decline, first slowly then steeply. Recent data suggest that, at all ages, Black people have lower marriage rates than other racial and ethnic groups. Based on US Census Bureau data from 2008 to 2012, less than two-thirds of Black women were married by their early forties, compared with almost nine out of ten white and Asian/Pacific Islander women and more than eight in ten Hispanic women.
DATING SEEMS TO BE DIFFERENT FOR BLACK PEOPLE
The term, “dating with a purpose,” is used a lot when defining how most people over forty would like to date. For Black women, the goal of dating and turning it into a real relationship is no different. But Black women are alone in this thought and struggle to find Black men who have the same goals.
Michelle Williams, 43, has been single for two years and says it is harder to date in the 40-something group, “because you kind of know what you want, and it’s not necessarily presented to you,” she said. “What separates our community from others is I feel other races date with a purpose.”
“Other races date for six or seven months, and then they get married,” Williams continued. “The purpose is to get married. I find, in the Black community, a man will date you for 10-15 years and never marry you. I let one man take my twenties, another man takes my thirties, so I have to be a little bit strategic in my 40s.”
ONLINE DATING SUCKS
When the pandemic hit, online dating was the only option to meet and date. For Black people, it is especially hard because they represent about 2 – 4 percent of the people on dating apps. Of that small percentage, it’s even harder to find the right person, in the right city whom you feel like you have some compatibility with. So online dating is a waste of time for Black women. If you are going to date outside your race, then online dating offers better options for finding someone who might match your goals.
Bridgette Gordon, 48, thinks traditional courting has been replaced with “a la carte” online dating. “I’m not looking for Superman. You do not have to be the richest man in the world; you just cannot bring the BS to the table,” she said.
What exactly is BS? Black women feel like men play a lot of games when it comes to dating. They feel like men want to text more than talk. Black women are looking to discover a connection with a man, and it’s extremely hard to do that when there’s no actual conversation.
AGE IS STILL A FACTOR
Every person knows that age is still a factor when it comes to dating. Black people are no different. Black men tend to want to date younger women. Black women are looking for more mature men, which means they might need to date above their age to find a good match. But because Black women are also living healthier lives, they desire men who are in shape, more active and want to venture out more. Those two sometimes conflict when looking for men. So, the age factor plays a role in how people choose their potential mates.
“It feels like men in their forties and women in their forties have a tough time connecting with and finding each other,” Brenda Howard, 41, said. “The men who find women in their forties attractive are often a little older, and those women don’t want those men, and the younger women don’t want the 40-year-old men.”
If Black women are going to have any success in the romance department, they may want to increase the range of who they’re willing to date up and down the age scale. Finding love after forty can be trickier with certain restrictions placed on the goal of finding the right person. Dating experts offer these suggestions for those looking for love over forty.
DATE THOSE WHO WANT TO DATE YOU
It is always easier to find love when you date people who want to date you. Find the person who is seeking you out and give them the opportunity to date you. You might have to adjust some of your age, income, and physical requirements but you might open yourself up to some amazing people who have a genuine interest in you.
TAKE ON NEW HOBBIES
Sometimes you must put yourself in a position to meet the person you want to meet. Finding a new hobby can often create an opportunity to meet new people. Try golf or other outdoor activities to see if you can meet someone of similar interest. Post-COVID, people are getting back out and hoping to create some normal routines that might make life more fun.
DON’T THROW HIM AWAY TOO FAST
Today’s world of cancel culture could have some impact on your dating life. Try giving him more than one opportunity to make a mistake. Sometimes women can give up too fast on a good thing. Slow down and give the relationship a chance to blossom before you decide to move away from someone who might need time to adjust to your goals, work schedule, desired level of communication, and expectations. Communicate your needs and give them time to adjust.
Love is hard, and after forty, love is harder. But dating can also be fun and adventurous for those who are willing to go beyond their fears and expectations. With summer coming, take a risk on yourself and find the one you desire to date. Who knows, you just might find love. ●
