People have learned so many lessons from the pandemic. One of the largest lessons learned is that we all crave touch and intimacy. No one can walk around, in isolation, for a prolonged period and survive life. Having a connection with someone, whether physical or mental, is built into our DNA and the pandemic made people realize this more than ever.
With the number of eligible men dwindling, women have turned to the alternative of sleeping with married men. However, this new trend is a choice rather than a need. Professional women have it all. The only thing missing seems to be a qualified man to engage with and marry. But what if they don’t want the time commitment, the work that it takes to maintain a relationship, or the perceived loss of control that comes with being in a relationship?
THE REASONS
“I make sure to ask the married men I sleep with what they want from the relationship,” Lolo said. “I need to make sure that they don’t want anything more than sex. I’m not looking to break up a home or become a rescue person for a broken man.”
Cheryl said, “I date married men because I know they don’t want anything more than sex. And for me, with my busy schedule, that’s all I need right now.”
Finding, getting to know, and eventually dating a qualified man has become problematic for some women. Women are finding the dating pool to be filled with a growing number of men who aren’t the same caliber as the women in the dating market.
“They either don’t have the motivation for a career, which is a problem for me, or they want all the benefits of relationship sex, without the actual relationship,” Melissa said.
This lack of choice leads to a complex option for women today: either date a married man or go without any intimacy for an extended period.
“Married men have their act together,” Claudine said. “They have the right clothes on, they smell good, they have great careers, and they have this inner bad boy lurking under their professional persona. This is what I am looking for. Oh, and they might pay a bill or two.”
PERSONAL NEEDS
Several women commented they didn’t want to jump back into a relationship after a divorce or long-term relationship. They wanted to touch and have sex but were not ready to hop back into a committed relationship. This meant that they could get the best of both worlds: the time to recover and sex at the same time.
“I went on Tinder and put that I wanted a relationship with no strings attached,” Alisia said. “I got single men contacting me, but overwhelmingly I got married men reaching out, and that’s what I wanted.”
The women who slept with married men said the men gave distinct reasons why they cheated on their wives. Most lost a physical connection with their wives. Many said their wives simply didn’t want to have sex anymore. But the men still did. And instead of breaking up the family, or dealing with it directly, they choose to cheat.
WHY MEN CHEAT
It’s no secret that men are physical creatures. Sexually active men covet intimacy and crave physical attention. When they don’t get it, they’ll seek it out and attempt to get it wherever they can. The choice to cheat is less about the connection so much as it’s about the actual act of having sex.
Sex gives men confidence. Sex provides men with a release of stress and tension. Men feel like their ability to have sex defines who they are as men. This creates an incessant need to have it and the older men get, the more they feel the need to continue to have it.
With the addition of Erectile Dysfunction (ED) medication, men’s sexual desires can continue into their seventies and eighties. For women, menopause takes a great toll on their desire to be intimate.
“My wife told me she just didn’t want to have sex any more and that if I had to have it that bad, go get it with someone else,” Branson said. “We both got want we wanted, we stayed married, which is what she wanted, and I got to have sex, which is what I wanted.”
Other medical complications create barriers for women and sex. Fibroids are a common reason why women limit sexual activity. The pain associated with having sex and fibroids can be excruciating. For many women, the pain is so bad, they avoid sex whenever possible. Having a hysterectomy is often the only solution for removing fibroids, which also causes a reduction in female sexual desire.
THE NEW REALITY
The choice for both men and women to cheat stems from a missing element in their lives. Whether it is a physical connection or a mental/emotional connection they miss, in 2022 people are finding it in ways wherein they get what they want without the effort of work and time.
Men get what they want without having to give up the cheerful home they covet. And women get what they want without having to deal with the drama of a relationship. Society is starting to accept this behavior as normal, and the institution of marriage is suffering as a result.
As we get used to post-pandemic life, there are certain things that will never be the same. Choosing to sleep with married men is becoming the norm and everyone seems to be OK with that.
Relationships are governed by its members. If both spouses create agreed upon expectations for inviting other partners into their marriage than that is their business. The problems come about when married men breech the marital contract by sneaking around to entertain outside sexual partners. Upon exposure, the cheated partner is left feeling hurt, embarrassed, and broken as they question why they weren’t good enough. Lets differentiate between open marriages and cheating. When a wife, as mentioned in your article gives permission for the husband to have sex with other women because they no longer desire the act that is not cheating, that’s an open marriage.
Chris,
Thank you so much for your feedback.