How Masculinities and Femininities Develop
The Gendered Innovations Project, which is based out of Stanford University, outlines these five major points to consider when discussing femininities and masculinities, which are purposely plural and dynamic because they change with culture and with individuals.
In everyday language, femininities and masculinities do not align directly with biological sex. Depending on cultural norms, certain behaviors or practices may be generally known as “feminine” or “masculine,” regardless of whether they are adopted by men or women. Femininities and masculinities do not describe sexual orientation although, especially in Western culture, femininity directly correlates to women and masculinity affiliates with men.
Femininities and masculinities are plural — there are many forms of femininity and many forms of masculinity. What gets defined as feminine or masculine differs by region, religion, class, culture, and other social factors. How femininities and masculinities are valued differs culturally.
Any one person, rather a man or woman, engages in many forms of femininity and masculinity, which she or he adopts depending on context, the expectations of others, and life stage. For example, a man who is a stay-at-home dad may be stereotyped as feminine when assuming the primary caretaker role. Moreover, the same stay-at-home dad would be labeled masculine on the weekends when he engages in leisure activities including boxing or some form of combat sport, going to the gun range, and attending sporting events with his guy friends.
Cultural notions of “feminine” and “masculine” behavior are shaped in part by observations about what women and men do. For example, men who come from single-parent female homes may not have experienced certain nurturing behaviors performed by a father during their early stages of development. This is important because, based on John Bowlby’s attachment theory, between the ages of 3-4 years old, children begin the identification process with their same-sex parent. Femininities and masculinities are learned. Messages about “feminine” and “masculine” behaviors are embedded in advertising, media, news, educational materials, and so forth. These messages are present in a range of environments, from the home to the workplace to public spaces.
Masculinity is Not Toxic
Birthed from the mythopoetic men’s movement in the 1980s, the term “toxic masculinity” has become a buzz phrase used to describe men who exhibit violent, misogynistic, homophobic, and domineering behaviors, especially toward women or members of marginalized communities.
Based on the article titled, “What is Toxic Masculinity and Why Does it Matter,” which was published in the June 2021 issue of Men and Masculinities, “The term toxic masculinity took off as part of what some scholars have called a new feminist movement, intensifying after 2014.”
It is important to understand the phrase’s origin, which was coined by Shepherd Bliss when characterizing his father’s militarized, authoritarian masculinity. Furthermore, during a 1990 interview, Bliss said, “I use a medical term because I believe that like every sickness, toxic masculinity has an antidote.” This confirms that the term toxic masculinity was never intended to be used as a blanket description for men or masculinity itself.
What has happened is that instead of taking the time to label specific egregious behaviors that can be exhibited by both men and women, the phrase toxic masculinity is used. The problem with using this is that our society has been confused into thinking masculinity itself is toxic. On the contrary, masculinity is a beautiful thing that represents some of the best traits men have to offer themselves, their families, and their communities.
Masculinity is Not Abusive
Qualities like being strong, brave, ambitious, a good provider, a protector, and a leader are all positive traits that typically are associated with healthy masculinity. However, in an effort to combat intimate partner violence (IPV), which is based on data reported by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), one in three women in their lifetime will be a victim of IPV. Unfortunately, this data has prompted feminist groups to paint masculinity as an identifiable trait of an abuser, which is not true for all men who present as masculine.
The Power and Control Wheel, which was originally developed in 1984 by the Domestic Abuse Intervention Project Team out of Duluth, Minnesota lists abusive behaviors that have no business being labeled as masculine. Instead, opposite to the power and control wheel, The Equality Wheel, which has an outer ring labeled “nonviolence,” is a better representation of a healthy masculine man.
Real men exhibit nonviolent behaviors towards their women because they were taught to “never hit a female.” This is why for, masculine men, the cornerstone of being a protector and provider of safety in a healthy relationship starts with nonviolent behaviors. Furthermore, healthy masculinity expresses the behaviors that make up the eight spokes within The Equality Wheel, which are:
Negotiation and Fairness – Real masculine men exhibit behaviors that entail identifying mutually rewarding solutions and outcomes for both partners.
Non-Threatening Behaviors – Real masculine men choose to exhibit responses that sustain a high level of physical and emotional safety for both partners. Examples include using a deep and controlled voice tone, allowing your partner to speak, and refraining from name-calling.
Respect – Real masculine men demonstrate respect by actively listening and responding to their partner in a non-judgmental manner that is understanding and affirming.
Trust and Support – Real masculine men support their partner by embracing their desire to have friendships outside of the intimate relationship and support their dreams, goals, and life aspirations.
Honesty and Accountability – Real masculine men accept responsibility for their own actions and words while communicating with their partner in an open and truthful manner.
Responsible Parenting – Real masculine men share joint responsibilities regarding child rearing while being a nonviolent positive role model in their child’s life.
Shared Responsibility – Real masculine men come together with their partners to create a shared relationship and family vision while equally distributing workloads.
Economic Partnership – Real masculine men make joint financial decisions with their spouse that mutually benefit both partners and the family as a whole.
What Drives Masculinity Stereotypes?
Fatherlessness is the real culprit that drives the negative masculinity stereotypes, especially for Black boys. In 2020, just 41.3 percent of Black kids were growing up in a two-parent home (based on the most recent census data). When young boys don’t have healthy male examples in the home, they rely on the media to teach them how a man should behave.
The problem arises when men are afraid that they aren’t masculine enough — a phenomenon known as “precarious masculinity.” This insecurity can lead to aggressive, domineering, and risky behaviors as men try to prove their manhood. They may also shame and bully other men who don’t fit the traditional masculine mold. At the root of these behaviors is a lack of self-worth, which often emerges from childhood trauma.
Research done with male college students found that young men who had experienced childhood attachment issues with parents or other primary caregivers have higher levels of gender role strain and more difficulties with emotional expression. Men with a secure attachment style struggled less with the concepts of success, power, and competition associated with male gender norms.
A Plan International USA survey asked teen boys aged 14–19 some of the same questions as a Pew survey of adult men. Results included the following:
· 77% of teen boys felt some or a lot of pressure to be emotionally strong, and that number went up to 86% among adult men.
· Close to half of male adolescents and 69% of young adult men felt they should be willing to punch someone if provoked.
· About a third of the teens and 57% of men ages 18–36 felt pressured to join in when their male peers talked about females in a sexual way.
Interestingly, only about a quarter of the young men in the Pew survey described themselves as “very masculine.” It seems that young men are clear about how society thinks they should act, but they don’t believe they’re fulfilling those expectations.
Promoting Healthy Masculinity
Princeton University’s UMatter Framework, which was created to support positive mental health and harm reduction initiatives across the campus, lists these tips to encourage healthy masculinity:
· Address disrespect by calling people out
· Build safe spaces that allow men to express a wide range of emotions
· Encourage men to demonstrate nurturing, compassion, and caring behavior toward themselves and others
· Create openings for men to share their experiences and feelings, especially if you sense there’s a problem
· If you see a man hurting, check in with him
· If you’re a man, ask for help when you are struggling
These listed tips provide an outline for all communities and organizations seeking to promote healthy masculinity in all its expressions because masculinity is indeed a beautiful thing. ●
