When Ricardo Smythe got divorced, he knew he would have to parent all three of his kids on his own. He thought he knew his kids very well, but over the next two years, he learned that parenting his daughters was completely different from parenting his boys.
As a masculine man, raised by a masculine man, Smythe understood how to raise boys. Up to the point where he got a divorce, his ex-wife did most of the parenting when it came to his daughters. Sure, he knew how to protect his girls, he also knew how to make them laugh, but all the other stuff was left to his ex-wife.
Smythe did not realize that he was not prepared to parent his girls until he was divorced, with his own home, and had to deal with his daughters with no support.
“Me and my oldest daughter got into an argument. I put my foot down and she quickly told me that she was not going to do what I wanted and did not care what I did to her,” Smythe said.
“I did not know what to do! My son always just did what I said. My son feared my response, my girls did not. I knew then I was in trouble.”
Smythe found out that he really did not know his girls the way he knew his son. Sure, he has been with them since birth. He helped change their diapers and saw their first footsteps, but his management of his son was quite different than his management of his girls. Smythe is not alone.
Divorced fathers all over the country are learning that they really do know how to parent girls the way they parent boys. Yelling or intimidating to control does not work with girls. If fathers are going to parent successfully, they are going to have to become more conscious of how their daughters receive information and communicate from their level.
“I thought I had a good relationship with my girls before my divorce,” Smythe said. “But I quickly learned that I only knew them from one perspective, and I would need to become more sensitive if I was going to be able to parent them the way they deserved.”
Fathers are responsible for protection and guidance. Moms are responsible for nurturing and patience. But when Dads start to parent on their own, they must develop the skills needed to be able to relate to their daughters.
It is an experience that completely reshapes men’s perspectives, changing the way many fathers relate to daughters. Some men change because they feel a greater sense of responsibility to their daughters, and they want to be model examples in their eyes. It makes them want to be more chivalrous daily.
The change is not just mental, men learn about hair texture, nail polishes, and menstrual cycles. They need to understand hormone changes and the emotions that come with being a female. If they are going to parent their daughters successfully, they are going to have to be able to relate to their daughters. That is no easy task.
Becoming a girl dad takes time. It might take up to two years to develop the skillset to parent girls successfully. There is a delicate balancing act between being a disciplined father and a nurturing one. A girl’s dad knows how to adapt to an all-girls environment. These dads know how to love and support their daughters and that makes them amazing dads. They give their daughters a sense of belonging and safety.
After a year of parenting his girls on his own, he noticed that they began to better understand how to deal with them emotionally. He also had to develop the coping skills that they needed to be able to get past whatever was bothering them.
But Smythe also saw his girls develop some skills to deal with him as well.
“I can be a handful too, and my girls learned how to navigate my personality as well,” Smythe continued, “We learned to co-exist and once we established some ground rules, we never had another blow-up.”
Smythe and his girls developed a plan when they did not see eye to eye. They put in place rules of engagement so they would not fall back into their old habits when dealing with difficult topics.
They also learned a lot about each other during the first two years alone. The girls became more appreciative of their dads’ attempt to connect more on their level. They also made the adjustment of better explaining their issues so they could stay focused on solving the problem instead of worrying about how it was delivered.
Smythe knew when he had his daughters that he softened himself when speaking to them and raising them. He knew that he raised his son differently than how he raised his daughters. What he did not realize is that it took him parenting alone, to make the full change to becoming a girl dad.
Dads love their daughters more to give them the mental and emotional strength to cater to the men’s world out there. It’s a hidden fear that maybe other men who will eventually come into her life will not give her love as much as they can, so they want to fill her heart with love before the hard times.
“If I had to give any advice to any man who is about to raise his kids on his own, I would tell them to get ready for the battles, but also get ready for some incredible growth as a person and man,” Smythe said. “I am a much better parent because of having to do this on my own, and I know my girls and I are in a much better place.”
Divorce is tough on a family and even tougher on the kids. Smythe and his girls worked through their differences and as a result, have a much closer relationship than ever before. Smythe is proud to be a girl dad and said it might be the best kind of dad there is. ●
