en today are beset with so many conditions, admonitions, and judgments about who they’re supposed to be and how to act — yet still, be themselves, still be a man. Surrounded by so much turmoil and confusion, it’s very challenging for a man to aspire to any level of confidence in his identity and sense of self-worth and power.
Dr. Michelle McKinney Hammond, a best-selling author, lecturer, and relationship coach, feels that one of the primary reasons men are struggling is that they haven’t discovered their unique purpose in life. As she puts it, “We each exist for a reason, and everyone is ‘in purpose,’ whether they’re consciously aware of it or not.” Being “in purpose” is not something many people are familiar with.
“I think a lot of times people think that they’ve got to find their purpose because there isn’t some huge, momentous thing occurring in their lives. But what it comes down to is that it’s not the magnificence that we need to master, we need to learn how to master the mundane — because most of the mundane is what keeps life on track. Once we do that, we can celebrate the magnificence in our lives! When we’re in balance with that, that’s when we realize we’re in purpose, every day.”
Dr. McKinney Hammond feels being in purpose is instrumental in helping us do what we were born to do. Things will fall into place if we just take the wheel every single day — be in purpose — and apply ourselves to what’s in front of us. We’ll eventually reach our goals and realize our vision and dreams.
But African American men today, see so much craziness going on around them that they’re afraid to walk around the block or even pull into someone’s driveway just to turn their car around. Despite that, she feels that a person can’t stay trapped in their home all day, every day, because they’re afraid of what might happen when they step outside — even though there are plenty of good reasons to be fearful.
“Men need to have a do-or-dare mentality. None of us knows what tomorrow will bring. We don’t have control over that. We just have to decide to live every day, to live our best life every day. Do you and let the chips fall where they may.” She also feels that men don’t really know their worth and power and are therefore always seeking validation.
“If you’re comfortable with yourself, then do you with no explanations, no apologies. Just show up, be your authentic self because people respect authentic people. You know, the only way you can be understood and accepted is to be authentic, be the real you.”
What she finds extremely helpful is asking ourselves the all-important questions: Who am I and what do I truly value? She states that at some point, we have to sit with ourselves and figure out if what we’re doing and the people we’ve surrounded ourselves with are conducive to our well-being, growth, and plans. “Many people are afraid to do that because they’re afraid of what they’ll hear or discover. But they may end up pleasantly surprised.”
She adds that we also need to have compassion for ourselves because we all make mistakes and stumble. The question is: How are we going to fix it? Whatever it is, it isn’t irreparable, it’s not written in stone, and it’s not the end of the world. In this process, we’re becoming empowered, but we need to not just focus on empowerment for ourselves. We need to empower our family members, co-workers, and our communities. “When we talk about empowerment, it has to be empowerment for all. It’s a 360-degree view.”
To achieve self-empowerment, both men and women are encouraged to become masters of themselves because they’re the only ones who can. She feels that we each need to grasp the significance of what we do on a daily basis, first about ourselves and then how our actions affect others.
“The first thing we have to do is face facts. Life, the entire system, is designed to make life hard — that’s the reality. Nobody’s going to do you favors these days. What we don’t want to do is cave in. Never give in, never give up, and never say die. Don’t take ‘no’ for an answer. In the process, life is going to pull things up out of you that you didn’t know you have in you.”
And there’s no place for a victim mentality in this life strategy. She quotes the old adage, “Where there’s a will, there’s a way.” That means that once the facts are faced, the next step is to strategize, create an action plan, and don’t let the word ‘impossible’ become a part of our mindset.
It’s all about mindset, which sometimes means we have to talk to ourselves, encourage ourselves to be responsible and to step up to the plate. We also need to have a support system, the cheerleaders and co-conspirators who will consistently back us up on our journey. Finally, we need to find people who are doing better than we are and who we can model. They will help us continually level up our game, which entails change and shifting when needed.
As it just so happens, Dr. McKinney Hammond has a new book coming out in September titled When Shift Happens: Say Yes to Your Next. It’s all about navigating change, each of us rediscovering our identity so that we can really redefine who we are, what our values are, and what that means moving forward. “I find that things are shifting so much, so quickly. And we’re being told to like, love, believe, and embrace so many different things. It’s really hard to know what we stand for anymore.”
She feels that we each need to remember that if we don’t stand for something, we’ll fall for anything. “I feel a lot of people are going against the grain of their own Souls at this point in time. They feel such tremendous societal pressure of having to line up with everybody’s mindset or they’ll get canceled.”
Her response to this is, “My heartbeat is giving people hope, giving them tools and strategies so that they can excel in whatever area they want to excel in. Don’t stop to look at where you’ve been — look at where you’re going. This is what will produce fruit. It’s going to be painful in some ways but it’s going to produce some fruit that no one expected or saw coming.”
Dr. McKinney Hammond shares that it all starts here, right now, with each of us. Nobody can stop us once we get our vision clarified about what it is exactly we want to do in life. Again, we have to remember to master the mundane, then we can celebrate the magnificence in our lives. Bottom line: Master life or life will master you. There’s no room for compromise! ●
