When Denver Broncos quarterback Russell Wilson was growing up, he struggled to attract Black women. Wilson felt like he, what some would call a nerd, personality was simply unattractive to the Black women he attempted to date. Wilson found that white women accepted his well-spoken quirkiness and ended up marrying a white woman.
After Wilson entered the NFL and ended his first marriage, he met Ciara Princess Harris. After divorcing rapper Future, Ciara and Russell found love and married after a year of dating. The couple has become a conversation in the Black community on whether dating the nice Black guy is fun or boring.
“I can totally relate to the Russell Wilson conversation,” said Brian. “I have had Black women tell me that I was too nice to date and they didn’t want to go on a second date with me.”
So, what defines not being Black enough:
- Polite
- Kind
- Reserved
- Well-spoken
- Limited/non-drinker
- Educated
These are the adjectives used to define Black men who seem to struggle to attract Black women. Young Black men have stopped pursuing certain kinds of women because the consistent response is they aren’t exciting enough to date.
“I even had a white woman, who was used to dating Black men, tell me that I was the whitest Black guy she had ever met,” Rick exclaimed. “We dated a few times but, ultimately, she seemed to be more attracted to the bad boys than me.”
Dating in 2022 is posing all kinds of problems for the average, well-spoken Black man. The growing trend around the country seems to be dating the guy who will pay the bill. Or date the bad boy who treats women badly or dates multiple women at one time.
Gone is the interest in the average guy who goes to work, wants a monogamous relationship, and dates with purpose. This trend is making men rethink who they want to date, or what race of woman they want to date.
Men are easily outnumbered by women in America. But increasingly, they are finding that the demands of the modern woman are not attractive for marriage. It was recently suggested that Black, American men may want to venture outside the US to find a wife.
One reel on the internet was recorded by a Black man who took a Black woman on a date. During the reel, she indicated that if he wanted to date her, he would have to pay up to keep a woman like her. She mentioned paying about $1,000 a month to date her.
“I saw that reel and another like it where a couple was sitting in a nice car. The female told the guy that he would need to pay her rent if he expected to date her,” Jason said. “If it had been me, there is no way I would do that for someone. I have my own rent to pay. And I’m looking for a real partner.”
According to the latest statistics, men are leaving the US to find love in Eastern countries where women still believe in traditional relationships.
“I know of some men who went to Indonesia specifically to get a wife,” Chris said. “One guy seemed so defeated by the demands of American women. He just wanted a traditional, humble life with a caring partner. He told me that the women he had met in America were like leeches [his words].”
“In the West, women have good jobs and make good money. A great many of them don’t want to get married, or, if they do, they want a guy who is rich, tall, handsome, young, and with a great position and high salary. Many are feminists, they become lesbians, and many just treat men badly,” Jose said.
“This leaves a lot of average guys without girlfriends or wives. Also, if a guy is over a certain age, such as over thirty, no younger woman will date him. Thus, there is a surplus of men. Also, divorce rates are high and are initiated in large part by women who just want a better man,” Jose concluded.
FINDING THE RIGHT MATCH
There are no easy solutions when it comes to finding love. The dating pool, while incredibly large, has become such a niche scenario that people no longer seem to want to explore each other’s differences anymore. While dating apps are useful, they also provide a quick out for those who get bored quickly or judge too harshly.
If men are not going to physically pursue women while they’re at a seminar, networking event, or even a grocery store, this leaves extraordinarily few options for two people to get to know each other.
Those in the dating market are going to have to produce new ways to find and meet the right people who are willing to give the relationship time to develop into something real.
Set a three-date minimum so the relationship has time to develop. Build a friendship first so both you and your potential partner have the space to listen and adjust to each other. The world is a busy place, so take the time to discover the answers to all your questions.
Russell Wilson eventually found a Black woman who saw and accepted him for who he was. It reminds us that love is out there, we may just have to be a little more patient to find it.
There is no such thing as not black enough. I think they are looking in the wrong places. It happens we pick the wrong person sometimes. Look for someone with substance there are many out here.
Yolanda,
Thank you so much for your feedback.