The incomparable Aretha Franklin, the “Queen of Soul,” sent this song skyrocketing to #1 on the Billboard charts in 1967 and it became a universal call to action for the civil rights and feminist movements. Its intrinsic message that everyone deserves to be heard and respected struck a deep chord for many. Sadly, its intent seems to be falling on deaf ears these days.
The word “respect” generally means to have high regard for another person: who they are, their ability to survive and thrive, their actions and accomplishments — their character. People often want to emulate them, and follow in their footsteps. It’s a double-edged sword.
What Americans have witnessed over many decades is millions of people blindly following others, even if what they’re doing displays the rock-bottom dregs of human behavior. They’re willing to “overlook” people’s shortcomings and how they treat others, while conversely showering them with adulation for being allegedly “groundbreaking” or showing a complete disregard for social conventions, niceties, manners, legalities, honor, integrity, and … well … respect.
It’s safe to say that the definition of respect has been transmuted into an anything-goes attitude that shows a complete disregard for the feelings of others. No longer are people concerned about or even aware of the recuperations of their actions on others. All that seems to matter is satisfying their personal agendas, whether that’s celebrity, wealth accumulation, gaining an advantage, and/or power and control.
The pushback to this ill-mannered approach to living with other humans is that what some people are trying to do is analogous to attempting to enforce parental controls on unruly children. The more stringent measures of book banning, white-washing history, returning to marginalizing certain people and groups through the denial of civil rights, and legislating supremacist ideals show just how fearful and anxious so many have become.
Unfortunately, that punitive and retaliatory response doesn’t address the deeper emotional landscape underlying the “behavior of mediocrity and insensitivity” a large part of the population seems to be devolving toward these days. Plainly, things are spiraling out of control. It seems today that so many people have no respect for anyone, not at home, in schools, communities, churches, businesses, or within government.
Deborah Norville, in her book The Power of Respect, reports that Americans:
- 79 percent say lack of respect is a serious problem.
- 60 percent say rude and selfish behavior is increasing.
- 88 percent sometimes encounter rude people.
- 62 percent are bothered by rude behavior.
- 77 percent see clerks ignoring customers.
- 58 percent encounter aggressive drivers.
- 56 percent are bothered by foul language.
USA Today reported in an article that the statement “students respect teachers” dropped from 70 percent to 31 percent. With the statement “parents respect teachers,” the percentage dropped from 91 percent to 49 percent.
Marybeth Harrison, a public-school speech therapist in Hunterdon County, NJ, says, “We have gone from a time when parents believed what the teacher said in regards to their child’s behavior and reacted accordingly to the present, where parents stare in disbelief and think of a million excuses as to why their child misbehaves.” She also stated that teachers are the first to be blamed. “It’s time for parents to start ‘parenting’ and teach manners, respect, etc. at home. Let teachers teach.”
Obviously, something needs to be done before America reaches a tipping point of no return. Respect, though, is relative, something that’s based on one’s personality, how they were raised, beliefs and values, religious upbringing, politics, education, culture and community, and life experiences. Taking these into account, friction develops because what’s considered acceptable to one person or group is viewed differently by others.
The Council on Quality and Leadership states: “It may be easy to recognize the absence of respect. When understanding how other people see and interpret the world around them, dialogue is our most effective tool. The active exchange of ideas and opinions provides insight into the most important variables that define individual expectations for respect.” They also say that the process of establishing respect requires non-judgment of others in all regards. This is true not only in one’s personal life but in their work life.
Forbes magazine reported that the top five things employees look for in their job are: stability, compensation, respect, health benefits, and work/life balance. Many people today are demanding respect, but not giving it in return except conditionally. Ken Makovsky, writing for Forbes, stated, “… as HR Directors check in on employees informally, they should discuss if the employee feels respected, and if not, why not. The respect factor is a moving target and should be addressed at least twice annually. It should be asked in employee surveys, both individually and looking at the culture as a whole. The data should be collected, as new patterns often emerge, and solutions evolve.”
Respect is a fundamental component for any relationship to thrive and endure wherein all parties feel seen, heard, understood, and valued. Inherent within each person is the desire and drive to excel admirably, to thrive excellently, to give selflessly with grace, inspiration, dignity, consideration — and respect. It applies to every aspect of one’s life.
It’s the beginning of 2023, the year in which humanity can choose to put every individual back on track to re-enlivening all of life for everyone! As Kay Rala Xanana Gusmao said, “Freedom goes hand-in-hand with mutual respect.”
