There is a new trend spreading across the country where people who have been single for several years enter into marriage but decide to keep as much of their single life as possible. With online dating, couples are meeting from various parts of the country and the world.
The trend for some adults is to maintain their separate lives while seeing each other on the weekend. Many adults, close to retirement or who have careers that won’t allow them to move, are choosing to remain in those positions — but they don’t want to miss their potential soulmate. For some people, the idea of keeping the parts of their lives they have learned to covet is important to them.
For others, the idea of re-merging their lives with another person is too much to consider. They enjoy the alone time while at the same they desire the company of another person. That means a weekend love affair solidified in marriage.
The tricky part of being a part-time husband is finding the right balance between being semi-single and semi-married at the same time.
“For me, it meant going to see her on the weekends,” John from Washington DC said. “I work in a specific field, which means I need to be in DC all week, but I can also fly on the weekends to be with the best woman I’ve ever met.”
In today’s world of online dating, people are meeting and dating long distances more than ever. To remain in meaningful relationships, couples are finding creative ways to make it work.
“I was single for almost nine years, but when I met my husband, I knew I didn’t want anyone else. So, we produced a plan to allow me to finish my career and retire in six years, and then go and join him when I’m done.” Susan in Phoenix explained. “Now I’m wondering if I will move an hour north to be with him. What we’re doing works for us, so why change it.”
Because most singles in their forties to sixties maintain their bills, for some, it doesn’t make sense to lose equity in a home, leave a good-paying job, or move away from their children and grandchildren. So, they create situations that allow the best of both worlds.
Can a marriage survive living separately?
In many cases, being married but living in separate homes is better than being mentally spaced apart while living under the same roof, and then only for the relationship to become bitter. For married couples living separately, the space that they get can work wonders for their relationship.
Relationship therapists are finding that this trend is starting to creep into existing marriages as well. Couples who have been married for multiple years choose to sleep in separate beds and separate homes.
Some couples maintain that living together but sleeping apart saves their relationship. By living apart, they could have their own space, avoid constant fighting, and give their relationship time to heal. Some opt to live together apart to prevent divorce, especially if they have young children.
Living together but sleeping apart often starts with some sacrifice to aid the family. For example, one partner snores, so sleeping separately allows for better sleep.
“My wife slept in the kids’ room to prevent them from getting in our bed,” John from Memphis said. “But what ended up happening is that by the fourth kid, we had been sleeping apart for almost nine years, so we grew apart. We still had sex, but we didn’t cuddle or pillow talk anymore.”
When physical activity is reduced, other variables creep into the marriage as well. So, while they are in the same house, each person becomes a part-time spouse to the other. It takes time for the true separation to be noticed. And often, by the time the couple realizes it, the separation has caused them to have nothing in common anymore.
How long can spouses live separately?
If a couple must stay apart, it should not be for more than six months or a maximum of one year. During this period, conscious and sustained efforts must be made to manage the issues that distance breeds like loneliness, non-frequent sex, and lack of emotional and physical support.
Seventy-five percent of couples living apart end up breaking up. Fifty percent of marriages end in divorce. The outcome for couples who remain living apart fair no better or worse than couples who live together.
Those who attempt to live apart all complained of still feeling alone, craved touch and sex, and questioned if they were doing the right thing.
— 12.5 percent of all marriages go on to become companionable and affectionate, but it usually takes them about twenty years together to finish maturing emotionally to the point where they can consistently accept, tolerate, and nurture each other.
The thought be being a part-time husband might sound like a clever idea. Those who consider this option must understand that it doesn’t increase the likelihood of a better outcome as opposed to being in the same household. It’s a choice — a choice that comes with some benefits and some sacrifices and takes a good deal of consideration of all the variables involved.
For those choosing to be part-time spouses, may you have happy, fulfilling, and prosperous lives!
