For anyone single, you know how hard it is to find the right person to date or marry. If you’re the kind of person who limits who you date based on race, income, height, appearance, or phone (yes, iPhone users tend to be biased), then your chances of finding love are extremely difficult. For those who are willing to take a risk, long-distance love is an option to find the right person.
The landscape for dating has changed so much in the past two years. The pandemic forced anyone who is seeking a match to go online. Dating apps allow you to search in your local area or across the country. This means that your next lover could be two hours away. How you navigate this long-distance relationship (LDR) could determine your success or failure. Here are the dos and don’ts for dating outside of your zip code.
SET THE TONE EARLY
If you understand that LDRs can be hard, you can create the right scenario to eliminate the hardest parts about dating someone who lives far away. Fifty-eight percent of long-distance relationships last, mostly because of great planning and setting appropriate expectations.
One of the most important aspects of dating in an LDR is to define expectations early on, by discussing the desired outcome. Plan to meet as much as possible and determine when you or the other person will relocate. This can help with building a future life together, as well as set the end date for when the couple will no longer live apart from each other.
HEALTHY COMMUNICATION
It’s important to maintain a communication level that allows the relationship to grow. However, couples do not necessarily need to communicate daily in order to maintain a bond. Some experts on the matter think too much communication might be a bad thing because it might not leave room for the build-up of wanting to see your new love in person.
So, create a healthy communication level to keep you connected to the person while you’re apart, but at the same time, let enough craving build toward seeing them in person. You and your partner will understand how much is too much or not enough as you define your relationship.
BE TRANSPARENT
Trust in an LDR is critical to its success. Transparency is important because couples need to feel secure that their mate is not playing games, hiding an ugly truth, or living a double life. Communicating feelings, location, daily goals and tasks, and feelings are all increased when in an LDR. When dating someone local, couples can make decisions based on non-verbal behavior and just by being in the presence of the person they’re dating. They also have a chance to see their partner interact with others and they can make decisions based on those actions.
LDR couples must make the most out of their interactions with the person they are dating, which requires more transparency and patience when trying to decide if this person is the one.
DON’T TRUST SOCIAL MEDIA
We all have stalked the person we’re dating by going into their social media accounts to see who they’re communicating with, what pics they like, and who they “friend.” This can lead to anxiety and misinformation if you take it too far. Because social media is online and doesn’t paint a real picture of what someone is doing or how they feel, it’s best to not linger on your lover’s social media accounts.
Healthy LDRs consist of maintaining a certain level of honesty and understanding when dealing with situations that might make someone feel vulnerable. Distance, lack of touch, and intimacy are all factors when considering if you can manage an LDR. If you feel like you need a certain amount of intimacy, you might not want to enter into an LDR.
PLAN FREQUENT VISITS
LDRs can frustrate anyone who is in one. Planning frequent trips can reduce the frustration to see your partner if you know when you are going to see them next. It’s important to schedule as much time together, when possible, so the relationship can build based on both communication and time spent together.
Balanced visits are great for couples who decide to take turns visiting each other. This gives the couple an opportunity to spend time in each other’s space, which increases confidence in the relationship. It also helps when planning the endgame where one or the other is going to move so the relationship ends in the same place.
DEVELOP A TIMETABLE TO LIVE IN THE SAME PLACE
One of the most important discussions people in LDRs need to have is how they’re going to consolidate the relationship into one place and space. Who is moving? When is that going to happen? Who is making the bigger sacrifice? There is no way that both partners can win when deciding to live together physically. Compromise is a necessity.
One is going to have to give up time spent at their own location. Maybe moving from family might be a factor and certainly, careers might be affected and sacrificed so the couple can be together. These things need to be discussed early and often to make sure that the results of maintaining an LDR leads to the couple being together.
Many single people who are searching for the perfect match are willing to travel beyond their geographical location to find love. Understanding the compromises that have to be made to make an LDR work could mean the difference in having success or not.
Either way, the goal is to explore all your options, find the love of your life, and go and be happy. Happy hunting! ●
