Finding love in 2023 can be hard. If you ask a Black single, finding love is almost impossible. If you pay attention to social media, Black relationships are at the center of discussion far too often. The discussions of Black focus on what keeps Black singles from connecting and finding love. Licensed marriage and family therapist Chris Matthews intends to change the conversation from why the opposite sex is at fault to a more compelling conversation.
Matthews understands the struggle that single Black people face in dating today. After his marriage seminars are over, many people will come up to him and ask why finding Black love is so hard.
“Because being Black is hard!” Matthews said. “Black marriage has endured centuries of torture and harassment from the establishment, so we know what the problem is if you look at it deeply.”
He’s right. Black love and the Black family have been under attack by society for so long that many Blacks forget that at the turn of the century, Black marriage was at an all-time high of 87 percent.
Black people secretly married during slavery and Blacks maintained good marriage numbers until the women’s movement and government aid shredded it to pieces.
Today, less than 30 percent of Black households are married, and those figures are getting worse as social media champions men staying single to avoid the pitfalls of marriage like alimony, child support, and raising children that are not theirs.
Black women are being encouraged on social media to not settle for certain types of men, don’t bring anything to the table except themselves, and not be submissive to a man.
The noise can be a distraction to someone looking to fall in love. It can also position people who don’t have any trauma to take on issues they never experienced.
“I had to shut my social media down,” Tameka, from Dayton said. “I was listening to all these reels and posts about women who were mistreated that I started to take on their fears. I have never been abused by a man.”
So, what can a single person, looking to get back into the dating market, looking to recover from a failed first marriage to find success?
“Most people never get over the hurt they experienced from their first marriage. Anyone who is looking to date should get out of marriage counseling and start getting pre-engagement counseling,” Matthews explained.
Matthews describes pre-engagement counseling as doing the work in the initial stages and phases of dating that will save someone emotional time and energy. It can also help a person avoid unneeded encounters. Matthews goes on to say that a lot of couples engage intimately and get into situations where they’re just having fun and not connecting emotionally or sexually. But they’re not doing the foundational work to produce a committed, responsible space together.
Young adults are not taught what they should be looking for in a mate. Matthews says that’s the gap people face when looking to find love. “If you don’t have family members, a community, or a tribe teaching you how to develop appropriate relationships, then where do you learn these things?” Matthews asked.
Matthew’s seminars and books are the answer for anyone looking to fall in love the right way. His new book, Marriage Underdogs, A Man’s Journey to Matrimony is a story about a young man searching for love but who learns the critical lesson that before you can really love someone else you must learn to value and love yourself. Matthews struggled with learning to love himself and in the process, he had to overcome one setback after another.
Matthews travels the country on a regular basis speaking to hundreds of couples about the power of the married couple. His next marriage retreat is scheduled for Valentine’s Day 2024 where he is scheduled to meet with thirty executives and their spouses.
“We’re going to host a marriage retreat for executives because their spouses can literally make or break their success,” Matthews said. “Anyone who is successful understands what it takes to get there. The hours and hard work that go into building a brand, company, or anything needs to have the support of the spouse. We help couples navigate that time commitment and they quickly become allies instead of enemies.”
Married couples tend to earn much more together than single individuals. The earning power of a married couple goes far beyond having one mortgage and bills. It speaks to the success and peace that comes from being in a committed, loving relationship.
Matthews preaches that the power formed in a marriage is unmatched for a business-driven person. The support and encouragement from the spouse become the superpower for the executive working to build financial wealth for the family.
So Black Love has a leader in Chris Matthews. His goal of helping people get out of their own way is changing the lives of young and married couples all over the country. If the Black family is going to be saved, it all starts by saving Black love.
For anyone interested in attending a seminar hosted by Chris Matthews, click the link below.
H2H Couples Retreat “Have and to Hold”
Get Ready to Rekindle, Reconnect, and Reawaken Your Love, February 9 – 12, 2024, in Destin, Florida, Hosted by Chris A. Matthews, LMFT
Chris A. Matthews, LMFT
Marriage Counselor Professional Speaker| Author
Cell: 704-712-1696
